A Wipe of Gratitude

Next to my sink is a bread box. On top of the bread box are a variety of things: a half-eaten bag of bagels, a lone granola bar, a loaf of bread that is probably sporting some mold, and a package of white paper napkins. I really don't use napkins all that much, so they've been sitting there a while without being given much attention--because seriously, who pays much attention to lounging paper products anyway? Well, while I was doing the dishes the other day, I happened to glance at the package of napkins. In bold, red lettering the plastic package screamed to me, BRIGHT NEW PRINTS! What? I wondered why I hadn't noticed this about my napkins before. BRIGHT NEW PRINTS on my napkins! How exciting! I could hardly contain myself with this new discovery.


Okay, you got the sarcasm. Anyway, after the initial napkin excitement wore off, my mind started wandering. I wondered, are there really people in the world that get jollies when their Brawny® comes embossed with a new, funkier diamond pattern? Are there people sitting at home, spreading out a napkin on their lap and wishing, "Gee, I really would like to see this napkin in a Warhol print." Have I passed a stranger on the street, not knowing that I was passing by an avid collector of disposable paper napkins? When was the last time you looked at a napkin and thought that it could use a little punch of color?


I guess after pondering these important questions for a little bit, I resolved to be more attentive to the aesthetics of the disposable paper products I am using. Because, I'm sure somewhere out there is a napkin designer that would like a little appreciation for the BRIGHT NEW PRINTS! they so lovingly created for Brawny®. Well Mr./Ms. napkin designer, if you're out there and reading this blog, I appreciate you, and I will think of you the next time I'm wiping smeared mustard off of my cake hole with one of your paper works of art.

Thank you napkin designer.

Love,

MHII

Scent of a Femi-man

This morning as I was trying to arouse myself from a cold-medicine induced haze, Anthony came in and pimpingly proclaimed, "Watch out ladies, I'm going old school and wearing the Eternity."

Although hazy, I knew well enough that I had never bought any Eternity for Anthony, and other than a buzz cut every few weeks he sure as hell doesn't buy grooming products for himself, so I asked him what Eternity he was speaking so highly of.

"The bottle in the medicine cabinet, there's not much left--" he replied.

"Come here honey, let me smell how sexy you're going to be for the ladies," I beckoned.

Sure enough on first whiff, "top notes of grapefruit, verbena and fig" greeted my nose. Yep, that was Eternity Summer...for women. Way to get in touch with your feminine side, babe.

So to all my husband's male co-workers, you've been forewarned: hubby is going old school--old school transvestite that is! Try and keep your hands off of him, I dare you.