This morning after I dropped the boys off to school, I decided to take Carter to the park to shake some of his lead out. Ha! Yeah, right. That kid has no lead in him whatsoever. He pretty much wakes up going warp speed.
Anywhoo, while at the park I spied something in the sand, a little ways away by the swings. It was a blue wrapper. From where I was standing, I couldn't read the wrapper, but my instincts told me it was something icky. Usually when I spy trash littering the park, I try to make sure to pick it up--you know, cause' I'm community-minded like that. To be honest with you, I'm not really that community-minded, I just don't want my kid playing at a dirty park--so I do my part for my kid. Well, as I get closer my icky instincts were confirmed. Laying like a thin, square serpent in wait was an opened Lifestyles® condom wrapper.
Now, I know unsavory things happen at parks after dark--that was how Carter was conceived. Just kidding! Seriously though, I'm not an idiot. Me knows what darkness lies in the hearts of awkward, hormonally charged teenagers. Believe it or not, I was once one myself, but that is a blog that will forever remain unwritten. I digress. Back to the wrapper.
Obviously, I wasn't about to pick up that wrapper, I mean who knows how much H1N1 was crawling on that thing--not to mention STDs and scabies! So, I discreetly, with my tennis-shoe-covered foot, covered the condom wrapper with sand. I know! It will probably unearth itself at some later time scarring some child forever, but at least for the time we were at the park it was out of sight.
Anyway, if there are any teens, creepy doped-out prostitutes, or kinky married couples out there reading this (OMG--I hope more than anything that I'm attracting that type of reader!), all I ask is this: Please, when you are choosing a public park as your preferred place of fornication, do as any civic-minded individual would, and leave no trace. That means no condom wrappers, used condoms, needles, burnt spoons, tube socks, tighty whiteys, Pantera t-shirts, cans of whipped cream, magic markers, stretch-arm-strong dolls, tattered copies of Dante's Inferno, Mexican ponchos, jumper cables, half-eaten McRib sandwiches, empty cans of cat food, plastic Halloween masks...you understand, right? My point in all this is, don't leave anything at the park you wouldn't want your little brother or sister, baby son or daughter, picking up and sticking in their mouth.
But, kudos for using protection!
Love,
Charise
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