One (or more) On Wednesday

1. Cody came back. Of course, I'm not going to go in to details as to what exactly happened; we'll just say it wasn't pretty. Although it was ugly, I am ecstatic to have him back. I figured his old man wouldn't come through, but I am amazed at how quickly he blew this priceless opportunity. Loser.

2. Carter has started preschool again. I spend the time he's there sweating my face off at the gym. I don't really know if I'm really reaping any physical results as of yet, but after an hour of cardio I always feel like I could join the revolution. Too bad there isn't one.

3. During one of the show-and-tells last preschool session, Carter was asked to guess what it was that one of the little girls brought to show the class. Carter asked, "Is it a phone jack?" This, of course, got a lot of surprised laughs from the other adults who were there at the time. Because of this response, Carter's guess for every show-and-tell now is "phone jack". I still laugh, but I think his teacher is getting a little tired of his answer. We'll have to think of something else original, maybe "tire iron" or "door knob"?

4. I have started reading Ayn Rand's "We the Living". I've realized that although I really love the moral content of her books, the characters, and the overall romanticism of her writing, her books always remind me of icy cold Utah winters. I can't decide if that is a good thing or not yet. I guess I'll just make sure when I read her books I'm sitting somewhere sunny or wearing fuzzy socks.

5. I have a fecal mass of laundry in the front room just dying for me to fondle, er, fold. Damn it all to hell.

Love,
Charise

A Different Goodbye

Being a divorced parent, I am use to telling my boys goodbye. Goodbyes over the summer, spring break, and alternating holidays have been routine for me for 13 years. This time though, the goodbye is different. My twin teens took off for their Christmas holiday to Utah. They both went away, but only one is coming back. Cody has decided to spend the rest of the school year living with his dad.

I thought I would be bawling by now. I thought I would be an incapacitated wreck of a person, wandering around in pajamas all day. This isn't the case. Right now, I just feel numb. The reality of sending two boys out and having only one come back hasn't hit me yet. I just keep wondering why he would want to leave. The questions have been percolating in my brain. What did I do wrong? Could I have done something different? Why didn't I spend more quality time with him when I could have? Wasn't he happy here?

I know all those questions are self-indulgent emotional wrecking balls; personal instruments of torture for quiet, rainy days. He has told me that his leaving has nothing to do with me, or our family here. To an extent, I believe him. I know that teenagers have restless spirits. I use to be one. Believe me, if I had had somewhere to run during those years--I would have. But even more than the natural restlessness of adolescence, I believe in the genetic connection between a father and a son. As much as my blood courses through my sons' veins, the blood of their father runs in them as well. Despite my reservations about letting him leave, Cody is feeling the primitive pull of relation.

Who am I to keep a boy from his father?

But what has his father done to deserve him?

I don't have the emotional capacity to contemplate those questions right now. Like I said, I'm numb. At least the weather is doing it's job in reflecting what I should be feeling. Another storm front is moving in and there will be heavy rain for the next few days...

Metaphorically Challenged

Okay, I'm a political junkie--I confess. Politics to me is like what fantasy sports is to all those people that obsess about fantasy sports, know what I mean? I watch cable news channels, listen to talk radio, check Rasmussen Reports almost daily, and read up on all the Props before I voted. Some may call that pathetic and boring, but I call it ignorance avoidance. Anywhoo, because I am such a political junkie, I have become familiar with all the stupid talking points and metaphors the politicians have been using as of late. I could bore you and list them all off, but instead I'm going to "focus like a laser" on just one, and give some possible alternatives that politicians could use that might spice up the political dialogue a little.

So, the metaphor I am so tired of hearing is one I'm sure, if you have even paid the slightest bit of attention to politics, you would recognize. Here it is:

"The economy is a car and the Republicans have driven it into a ditch."

Now, the above point can be argued, but I'm not here to prove my political leanings. Because the Democrats have been the party using that statement the most, I will offer alternatives for their point of view--just to show that I am capable of reaching across the aisle.

Here are some alternatives to the whole economy/car/ditch metaphor:

• The economy is a cake and the Republicans haven't put enough leavening agent, like baking soda, in the batter so now the cake isn't rising. We Democrats need to discard that cake completely, and make a new one with a recipe from Rosa Luxemburg's "Cooking with Communism".
• The economy is a ficus tree that the Republicans have over-watered, now the leaves are curling and we, the Democrats, have to administer Miracle-Gro, Bonsai pruning, and plant resuscitation in order to keep the ficus from perishing.
• The economy is a chick in a bikini, and the Republicans have kept her in the sun too long and now she's got a terrible sunburn. It's up to the Democrats to keep her indoors and apply aloe vera to her blistered epidermis until she is a healthy, pale pallor again.
• The economy is an Eames era antique oak coffee table that the Republicans bought from a local boutique. Instead of treating the coffee table with teak oil and using coasters, the Republicans have been setting their scotch on-the-rocks directly on the table leaving horrible water stains. It's up to us, the Democrats, to sand out those stains and re-treat the wood; restoring it to its original splendor.
• The economy is a muddy ditch. The Republicans got drunk on Gentleman Jack and drove a 1972 Ford Pinto into the ditch, ruining the natural filth that is the ditch. It's up to the Democrats to pull the car out of the ditch with an awesome tow truck that's got hydraulics, roll bars, and flame decals. Once the 1972 Ford Pinto is out of the ditch, Americans can bath nude in the muddy ditch while smoking illegal cannabis. Kind, duuude!

Alrighty. That's all I've got for now. The above metaphors should come in handy for you folks the next time you find yourself in a political discussion about the economy. Keep in mind, the political parties are interchangeable within the metaphors--so go buck wild and blow minds!

Next time, I will discuss the quandering question: Who, if not the taxpayers, will pay for Nancy Pelosi's private jets, tailored pantsuits, and ever-obvious plastic surgery now that she is no longer Speaker of the House?



Stay tuned...